Do You Long For More?

incomplete heart | midjourney design by Rachel

Do You Long For More?

More depth and connection please.

Thank you for joining me away from social media! I’m so super committed to creating an authentic place away from the endless scrolling of social media. If you’re anything like me, that stuff is draining. Talk about information overload. (And not even necessarily good, complete, or true information, right)? I think our brains are short circuiting, because anxiety related diagnosis’s have shot way up since the land of social media started colonizing. I think we long for more, something more in depth, something that little blips of half information just can’t give us. 

There’s a new need, a new direction we’re headed in. A grounded, gritty, real, connected life force that I think we all long to be a part of. Relating on a more personal level, in our own way (not in the way of algorithms) will be what gives us the most authentic experience online. 

Though my songs and poetry and lyrics get pretty personal, they don’t tell the whole story. I feel the need to tell you tmore of the story. It’s not always pretty. It would look terrible in a magazine or on pinterest. Instagram would fly right past it. But it’s the honest stuff, you know.

I don’t take you for granted. You’re more than a follow and a like. You’re human, and you’re real, and you need more. I want to be a part of that process to make sure you get what you need.

Trying to commit to sending weekly Wednesday Wonderful emails, and if you used to get those, you know I’m all about sending the love and encouragement! I want to break up the mundane world of way too many boring business emails and make you feel downright amazing about your life. 

My main goal and purpose will be to remind you how absolutely fantastic, unique, and special you are. Your story matters, your heart matters, that call to do that next thing matters. Let’s keep you headed in the direction you want to be going!

Love,

Rachel Adell

Slowing Down Time

Spinning my wheels used to be my full time job. All the ideas and going nowhere. Because all the things.

Over the last few years, I discovered this thing called commitment to my own life. Deciding for myself what I really want out of this life, was a game changer. This new and simple mindset settled me down and brought me a level of peace and fulfillment I had never felt before.  Instead of falling victim to commitments, inner-voice expectations, mindless time leaks, being overly independent, innocent distractions, hustle, and other people’s agenda, I am better at evaluating if it already fits into what I have planned to do with my life. 

Do any of these things ring a bell for you?

Too many commitments can be a royal disaster. When you’re spread too thin, almost everything you do is diluted. How can we stop ourselves from the over commitment game? Let’s identify how we got ourselves there in the first place. Though not exhaustive, here’s a list of things that hook me…

1) SAYING ‘YES’ ONE TOO MANY TIMES. When we make a clear commitment to ourselves and our goals before life starts steam rolling, we can better sort out when to say yes and when to say no. If you have filled in your calendar with what you’ve decided are the absolutes in your own life, you will be able to honestly say you are unavailable to requests for your time. Do not say yes to someone else’s whim or invite merely because you love them. Your life, time, and plans are precious, treat them that way. Check your calendar for a time that would not put you out, or move your priorities or sanity to the side, and ask if they are available then. And only then. 

2) FEAR OF MISSING OUT. Geese, we all have this at one point or another. But here’s an idea, try to have FOMO on your own life. It does a pretty delightful flip on your perspective. The moment you recognize that the longing to be involved in every last thing strains what you hold most dear, saying no becomes much easier. I have so many projects on hold, while I finish this album. It can be painful, and really puts my discipline and focus to the test. Song ideas come, amazing collaborations come my way, and other things outside of music call for my attention all day long. But I have a personal to do list that relates to me meeting my own goals by certain dates, and I remind myself that finishing those will add meaning to all future projects. But without focus, everything just becomes a hustle of scattered diluted projects and opportunities. There is a time and a place for hustle, but decide what your vision is, before you get pulled in every direction.

3) BEING MULTI-PASSIONATE is a thing. This is not inherently bad, but it can get you into trouble if you don’t create a short term and long term schedule. I have plans to write two books (already outlined), and several children’s books outlined and sketched as well. But they must stay that way, until I’m through with my ‘right now’ goals. Every now and then an idea pops into my head, and I allow myself to add it to my documents. But that is all, no expanding. Again, it’s painful, but the joy that comes from forward momentum in my current projects keeps me in a peaceful place.

4) THE NEED TO PLEASE OTHERS. Is there something really wrong with this? After all, doesn’t it convey what an innately loving creature you are? Actually, it does. However, the truth is, the people you love, love you too. They want what’s best for you, and trust that you will be honest with them if you are stretching beyond your limits. Think about it, when you ask for something whether big or small, would you ever in a million years want them to say yes if it strained or inconvenienced them? No way. But if it’s just the word “No” that’s hard for you, here are a few ways to soften the blow…

• Start with positive, “That sounds amazing” or “I would so love to do that”

• Then say “I wish I was available” “I hope I can do something with you soon”

• Then you could finish by saying, “Please don’t hesitate to ask again” or “I will let you know if anything changes”

Inner voices and all those lofty expectations can be another effective de-railer from a peaceful life. And they can come from so many different directions too. Ourselves, parents, friends, teachers, church, or even something as general and grand as societal norms. What’s really great about this life though, is that no matter what, we still have the power to decide what takes space in our own minds. Others may be trickier residents to get rid of, but the effort, however longterm is worth the effort. No, you don’t need to sign your kids up for ever extra curricular to be a good parent. You can still be a successful student, friend, mother, or father, even if you are unable to attend every single activity. You don’t need to have a double major, or have a high paying job, or be multi-lingual to be a successful person. You don’t need a perfect body, a perfect home, or a sweet ride to be a complete person either. What’s beautiful, is that you get to tap into your own intuition and decide which inner voices bring you the most fulfillment. Be sure to double check on your own expectations for yourself too though. Are they realistic? Do they bring you true peace? Do you have time for them? Yes? Okay, then you can trust yourself.

Mindless time leaks are absolutely everywhere these days, and most of them are in the palm of your hand. When I get on my phone for something related to my goals, I’m invaded by a myriad of distractions. Some, though legitimate, seem to steal my attention away at inconvenient times. Others seem urgent, so I can’t help but check. Without a plan and focus, it is very easy for me to take a nose dive down a series of rabbit holes. Let’s not also forget the mysterious automatic thumb clicks? What in the heck? I hate those. And often times these a-holes take up anywhere between 15 minutes and 3 hours. Think of it, if you had a way to avoid mindless time leaks, you might stand to gain an extra day every week! Four days a month! 48 per year? That’s no joke. Almost an extra two months a year. Though I haven’t been diagnosed, all signs lead to ADHD before screens could be held in my hand, so the struggle is alive and kicking. Because I long for control, focus, and peace in my life, I have spent hours trying to manage the interruptions. Here are a few of my own little hacks that seem to help…

• When working, turn phone face down or go and plug it in

• Only have notifications on for immediate family

• Check email a couple times a day, and texts a few times a day

• No buzzing for any notifications ever

• When phone is on, only have sounds for texts, everything else visual

• Before opening phone, try to be mindful and focused on why you picked it up, stick to that

• Put automatic thumb click apps in hard to find places 

• Laptop has zero incoming notifications, save for necessary software updates, etc

• Assign specific time(s) to check social media, in order to not be stuck checking all day

Not accepting help is a classic American move. You may not realize, but even third world countries are better at allowing experts, friends, and family to help out than we are. That independent blood tells us to take pride in doing everything on our own. Sure, we may save a little money, but my gosh, do we waste a lot of our own time. Once I realized that 70% of my time was spent cleaning and keeping up on household duties, it became a no brainer to hire someone to come and do the heavy cleaning for us. Suddenly I had freed up hours and hours of time to work on my dreams. When someone offers you help, and you say no because you know you can do it, maybe consider instead the time, energy, and effort it will take you. There is no shame when you respect the precious time you have left on this earth to go for your dreams. And in the end, you are either allowing someone the opportunity to serve, which always brings the warm fuzzies, or you’re providing someone with paid work. Take pride in being more mindful with your time, and feel humble about the beauty of allowing others to help. If you’re still not convinced, just try it once. Just once. Identify how it affected your time and energy, and then get back to me. 

Innocent Distractions are for the most part, out of your control. How you move out and on from them is up to you. Someone knocks on the door, someone comes up to your desk, there’s a fender bender outside, the power goes out, a bird will not stop singing, a baby wakes up early from their nap. The possibilities are endless. Sometimes you can quickly tend to the situation, and get right back to work. Aside from emergencies, which understandably stop everything, there are those that are in between. The ones that are sticky to walk away from. The coworker that wants to chat, the family member that wants to ask a question every other minute, an aggressive door salesman cannot take the hint. The answer: get better at setting up boundaries beforehand. No soliciting signs help, and so does asking your people if they need anything right now, because you will be unavailable for the next two to three hours. When people know your availability, they tend to respect it. Unless of course, they are children. Then, I have no answers for you, and I’m all ears. Haha.

Addiction to hustling we hoped would have slowly gone out of style with the pandemic. But alas, the type A’s and extroverts of the world have only been storing up their energy for a level of hustling like we’ve never seen before. When moving fast, and doing way too much to be human in one day becomes a bit of a societal norm, things start to spin out of control and fall apart. Stress and anxiety tend to rule just about every interaction. So at the end of the day, ask yourself, “Is it more important to me to have checked off an enormously long checklist, or is it more important to me that I smiled, made someone laugh, made eye contact, and experienced a flavour, a scent, or something beautiful in a new way?” Taking the time to figure out how we want to be living really helps when it’s time to start putting things in the calendar. There will be an odd feeling as you transition out of this fast pace lifestyle, as you may feel very alone at first. But then, in your bliss, you realize that you have a new responsibility to entice others to do the same. My favorite is the make a stranger stop in their tracks because I give them a compliment, or make an inappropriate joke. Before our interaction, they were straight-faced racing to the next item on their list. Joy can’t describe how healing it is to witness another human let loose for a minute and laugh. 

And speaking of type A’s and extroverts…

Other People’s Agendas can be the hardest to avoid. “Sign up for this, attend this, be interviewed for that, take a survey, leave a review, unsubscribe, oh but we miss you come back, receive these thousands of coupons or invites you didn’t ask for, join this book club, attend every birthday, baby shower, wedding, and church activity that ever was” or run the risk of being a first class life drop out. Congratulations to me and whoever else is happy to miss out on most all the things in order to live the kind of peaceful life we want. It’s even okay if you have to miss a family reunion or two to save your sanity. The only agenda that should be running your life, is your own agenda. Other people’s agendas may not line up with yours, and that’s okay. Many of the people that volunteer to run these things are inviting you to be inclusive. There is never a requirement to attend anything that you don’t have time for, or just plain drives you mad. You can still love someone and maintain a healthy connection regardless of what you can and cannot attend. No one needs to know your reason. Remember, “that sounds amazing, I wish I was available then, I will let you know if anything changes,” are lovely ways to let the person know you care about them, even if you can’t make it. 

Bottom line; you deserve to feel happiness, peace, joy, and fulfillment in this life. Your dreams are worth becoming real. When you shift your mindset and life around commitments, expectations, time management, and distractions to revolve around what you really want out of this life, peace and fulfillment will be yours for the enjoying.

Love,

Rachel Adell

True Story

“Poised-ish” | Midjourney design by Rachel Adell

Sometimes my story is hard for people to believe. Attempting to quickly explain is kin to a laffy taffy tongue tied merry go round.

I’ll go ahead an apologize up front for the landmines that come with no further explanation. As I grow and develop my online presence, and eventually maybe write a book (?) I promise, you’ll get all the fun juicy, and complete tid bits.

When writing journals, poetry, singing, creating songs, and developing spiritual practice through all of this, I’ve fortunately been able to rearrange my pain and lift myself out of some droopy dark places. Finding ways to release pain and express your heart is essential to feeling light and capable. My passion for keeping the arts alive in society is personal. Art and music quite literally saved my life.

Here goes…

I'm a cancer surviving, singer songwriter, producer, founder of Candid Crush Records, LLC, mother of three, and have lived in five states and five countries.

I was born and raised in the Pacific Northwest in the United States, with my parents and two sisters. When I was seven years old, I found out that my parents were getting a divorce, my father was taking my little sister with him, and he was not my real father. I lived alone with my mother for nine years. We did struggle in a lot of ways, but she made some life changes that really helped things heal and move forward.

My mother thoughtfully kept my biological father out of my life. We finally connected over the phone when I was nineteen. Though things did not transition into a heart warming cozy father/daughter relationship, one of our most interesting connections is that he also writes songs and plays guitar.

I was atheist/agnostic and despised religion my entire upbringing. That is, until I heard a quote from a holocaust victim in history class. The message of pure faith pierced my heart, and I was changed forever. After that, instead of disregarding people of faith, I decided to learn everything I could about every religion. My purpose wasn't to become affiliated, my intention was to learn what millions of other people were participating in around the world. As a result, my perspective was blown wide open. What I learned taught me to question my own thoughts and explore my prejudices. Listening to and absorbing what other people believe, became my new passion. Islam, Confucianism, and Hinduism were some of my most beautiful surprises. I saved Christianity for last. So many interesting long stories to come.

“Waking” | Midjourney design by Rachel Adell

My husband and I knew of each other in middle school, then officially met as juniors in high school. All thanks to our school counselor, who assigned us to lead a presentation together at a retreat. After a ten hour conversation, we both knew we had met our future spouse. We dated for eight months and remained friends for five years after we broke up. The truth is, we never lost feelings for each other. After our feelings were finally confessed again, we decided to get hitched. Though we have an adorable origin story, marriage was not always breezy for us. Both of us having dynamic, passionate personalities, made it challenging to meet in the middle. We were got a seapration at year twelve. Luckily marriage counseling helped us see some wild things about ourselve, that we never would have been able to figure out on our own. Happy to say we’re still plugging along, some twenty odd years later.

“Moon dance” | Midjourney design by Rachel Adell

Pregnancy was not fun. In addition to throwing up eight times a day on average, I had a near death experience with each child. At eight months gestation with my first, I accidentally drank etching cream. Fortunately I made myself throw up otherwise I would have died of cardiac arrest that very day. Being home for a few days after my second was born, I began to hemorrhage. The doctor said I would lose my uterus or my life that night if the medication she prescribed didn't work. The medication didn't work. Instead of calling her back, I asked for a priesthood blessing. Only then did the bleeding finally start to slow. With my third, it was during labor that some scary things happened, and I may need to save the details for another day, because well, I almost died in labor, and it was because of over care. However, worse than that was the postpartum depression that I did not get with my first two. (This is more common than you realize, so please watch for the signs in your loved ones up to a year after baby is born. Hormones dips are no joke, I was genuinely contemplating ending things).

These experiences, along with my 2014 Hodgkins Lymphoma diagnosis, brought me to my knees. Sometimes you make superficial choices to impress yourself, until life decides to knock your face to the ground. I needed three near death experiences to realize how much of my time was being spent on meaningless shenanigans. What I learned is that nothing means anything except your people. Your family. The big people, the small people, the neighbours, whoever it is. I'm telling you; the rest of it disappears into outer space when you are faced with your own death.

“Hold On” | Still from music video | Australia

The most important highlight of my life has been turning my tumultuous childhood into something beautiful. Into art, but mostly…my very own family. A family the way I wanted to build a family. Things haven’t turned out exactly as I imagined, but I could not be more content and fulfilled with the children I have raised and the man I married. We have created the most outlandish memories together, and I will cherish and hold them dear forever.

We started raising our son in Oregon, moved to LA, had our daughter, lived there for about eight years, then started moving all over the globe for the next 10 years (Australia, Nashville, British Columbia, Quebec, India, and London to name a few). We also gained a foster son for three years in Canada which was lovely.

“Angel Baby” | Midjourney design by Rachel Adell

During that precious time raising kids, I released one album, wrote two more (coming soon), and worked on a few singles with other artists around the world. There have been awards here and there for songs, writing, poetry. I’ve been lucky enough to have had the opportunity to perform on some incredible stages, including Nashville’s Blue Bird Cafe.

As you follow along in my story, you will also discover that I don’t create for fame, glitz, or glamour. Creating was a form of survival for me as a child, and has simply grown into a way of life.

The grueling pain this life has given me was so many deep dark tunnels of crawling and crying. But thank goodness for the healing that comes through dreaming, expressing, and creating. Creating is a spiritual practice that has the power to change things, change you, change perspectives. Move on lighter and more settled.

I firmly believe that each person has a deep well of pain that is just longing to explode into something haunting and beautiful.

*What do you dream of? What have you ignored or left unexpressed? Did you bottle it up? Do you have nagging feelings to make something? Is it time for you to get it out?

*Leave me a comment letting me know. Look forward to hearing from you.

Thank you for the time you took to read this far, you must be a true gem to set aside this kind of pause in your life, away from the fast pace world.

Happy to sit with you.

Love,

Rachel

“Dreaming” | Midjourney design by Rachel Adell