Album Diaries | Found Me
Rachel Adell, an American mother of three, living in London is releasing an album after enduring cancer and other challenges. Rachel's hope is that Saturday Sunrise will wrap its arms around you, and help you get through that next dark night, as it has for her.
Song: “Found Me”
Album: Saturday Sunrise 2023
Written: Los Angeles & South Dakota 2021
Cowrite with Nancy Gonseth
Topic: When a friend finds you
I cowrote this with a dear friend, Nancy Gonseth, whom I met within my music tribe, Catch the Moom, 6FS. The biggest takeaway has been the community and the cowrites, and the inevitable connections after that. She and I wanted to write a song that explained how special it was to have the mentor we did. Michael Averill was incredibly present and sensitive to our needs, and the needs of our songs as well.
Walls soft
Come in
Door wide open
Where we like to be
Right here
You and me
It’s weird
Shy normally
Do I know I’m safe
Giving love away
Pulled to where you are
Pouring light on my scars
You found me
Hidden in my heart
There are special poeple in this world who have the gift of allowing you to be seen. You feel safe in their warmth and light. In all your shortcomings and insecurities, they appreciate you for you. When you try and fail, they are there. They don’t judge, they don’t make you feel less than, they let you be wherever you are. And in many cases when these wonderful people have entered my life I was at my lowest, weakest, and most vulnerable. Now that I have these kinds of people in my life, it’s pretty easy for me to throw up boundaries for the kind of people who would not appreciate my tenderness and heart. I hope you do that as well. There are people in this world who will see more of your light than you will, those are the people you need to be with. Don’t keep trying to convince or fit in with people unplug the drain every time their around.
A road from low to high
Good laughs and good cries
Soul open and so bare
Rushed to me
You were right there
It’s weird
I’m usually scared
Do I know I’m safe
Giving love away
Pulled to where you are
Pouring light on my scars
You found me
Hidden in my heart
Oh the gems
How you made ‘em glow
Remind me of what I know
New chamber in my heart
Evolving work of art
Written by Rachel Adell and Nancy Gonseth
Produced by Craig Sayer
Album Diaries | Okay
Rachel Adell, an American mother of three, living in London is releasing an album after enduring cancer and other challenges. Rachel's hope is that Saturday Sunrise will wrap its arms around you, and help you get through that next dark night, as it has for her.
This song was inspired from the day I fainted at the hospital, and woke up with an oxygen mask on my face. The nurse was petting my head and saying over and over, “It’s going to be okay.” I hung onto every syllable of every word of that repeated sentence until it brought me back to consciousness. That statement was so grounding, comforting, and hopeful to me. Sometimes we need a reminder that a horrible moment is not going to last forever. Knowing relief is on the way can be exactly what we need to keep holding on. To this day, I use this mantra to ground myself.
Blurry mind
Empty shell
Some days
Turn into hell
Eyes hazy
Someone there
Whispered softly
Through my hair
It’s gonna be okay
It’s gonna be okay
I know it doesn’t seem like it now
But give it time to settle down
It’s gonna be okay
Medicate
and they radiate
Wrote down the words
I wanted to say
Didn’t know if I
Would live or die
Something said
To me inside
You’re gonna be okay
Watch news
Spread fear
Make storms
Every year
But that old machine
It won’t destroy
Cause love is louder
Than the noise
We’re gonna be okay
Written and performed by Rachel Adell
Harmonies by Georgina Sayer, fellow cancer survivor
Produced by Craig Sayer
Album Diaries | You Have It
Rachel Adell, an American mother of three, living in London is releasing an album after enduring cancer and other challenges. Rachel's hope is that Saturday Sunrise will wrap its arms around you, and help you get through that next dark night, as it has for her.
Song: “You Have It”
Album: Saturday Sunrise 2023
Written: Los Angeles 2020
Topic: You have what it takes within
Brave the weather
Far from home
You come untethered
Like a poem
Rise and fall
Pull and sway
Not lost at all
Feel it beat so heavily
Tension and revelry
Holding space
You gotta breathe
I wrote this song initially in Los Angeles while living through the pandemic, but I was thinking back to when we lived in Montreal. I was experiencing serious postpartum depression in the middle of those 7 month Montreal winters-ehhh. I had intruding thoughts of ending it all. So hard to speak up about these things because you don’t want to be too heavy for anyone, but what I have found from my own experience of speaking up or wishing other people felt safe to speak up, is that it’s always always worth it. All people want is to be there for you. They feel honored you chose them to trust your heart with.
Digging low
Crawling slow
Motion spinning
Storms collide
Instincts alive
You have it in you
Alive and waiting
Hurricane swelling in your bones
Hear what you’re saying
While they throw all their diamond stones
Jump and bolt
Somewhere out there, no hat, no coat
Barefoot prints out in the snow
Naked and so vulnerable
Holding to hope
As the universe unfolds
There is a strong hopeful child inside of you who doesn’t want you to give up. There is always a way forward. Nothing lasts forever.
Some days it may seem freaking beyond possible, but hang on, that relief you’re seeking is just around the corner.
Keep breathing. Tell a trusted friend. Take a break just for you. Align your expectations. Allow yourself to let go. Keep breathing. One deep breath at a time. Ask the universe to help you. You are connected. You are capable. You have so much to look forward to. This will not last forever. You’re going to be okay. Another deep breath. You are going to be okay. You are going to be okay. You are going to be okay.
Standing there
In the falling snow
Head spinning
Storms inside
Your soul’s alive
You have it in you
Written by Rachel Adell and Craig Sayer
Produced by Craig Sayer
Album Diaries | Beautiful
Rachel Adell, an American mother of three, living in London is releasing an album after enduring cancer and other challenges. Rachel's hope is that Saturday Sunrise will wrap its arms around you, and help you get through that next dark night, as it has for her.
You slow down and see
We moved to Australia right after I had been diagnosed with cancer. The kids were little. Ten and six. Going through chemo and radiation, losing my hair, giving myself shots in the stomach, and trying not to throw up after every meal, was a bit intense. Talk about your world being flipped on its back. If you haven’t been through something massively life threatening before, I’ll give you the spoiler; it’s family. The people closest to you that become your treasures. Everything else falls to the wayside.
Sun fallin on the floor
Sitting here with me
What do I love more than
Smiling missin’ teeth
Singin’ in my nightgown
A white bird flies by
Her hair is messy
Two clouds in the sky
I wrote this song on a Saturday morning surrounded in my adorable family. I wrote what I saw. Cutest little girl singing with me, her glorious messy hair. Both of us in our night gowns just appreciating the morning sun, the clear sky, and the occasional seagull flying past the window. Stephen making breakfast, Sam dreamily staring into space on the couch. Love them all so much. I became very aware that they were my forever, my everything. My dreams had come true. The little family I had always dreamed of was right there with me.
He’s making breakfast
Pancakes in a pan
Day dreams in a t shirt
Love to watch him stand
My boy is staring into space
No eyes quite like that
Power in his thoughtful gaze
Holding the minutes
Falling through my hands
[They are my] forever and
Everything I have
Written and performed by Rachel Adell
Produced by Craig Sayer
Album Diaries | Alive
Rachel Adell, an American mother of three, living in London is releasing an album after enduring cancer and other challenges. Rachel's hope is that Saturday Sunrise will wrap its arms around you, and help you get through that next dark night, as it has for her.
Life delivers storms, beauty, and when we’re lucky, rest. If you run and try to avoid the storms, you will rarely catch your breath long enough to enjoy the moments of rest. I want to learn to sit with them, absorb their warmth, so I can carry on with strength through the next storm.
I had a near death experience accompany all three of my children coming to this worl. Welcoming new life in a state of fresh remembrance that life is fragile is daunting, to say the least. I always framed it as a positive, but I realize that I’m fairly traumatized by it all. Somehow all the difficulties melt away when they wrap their little fingers around yours, or when they fall asleep with their head on your chest.
My kids were very hard to come by. We had a lot of excruciating wait times and tragedies in between. The kids I have, well, they are my miracles. I can hardly believe I have them some days. If you are a woman who has always longed for this, my heart aches for you. My hope is that because it’s so important to you, you will get to experience it in the next life, or you will be granted many opportunities to mother and help mother other children in this life.
Saw you open your eyes
The day I almost died
You let out a cry
As I watched you come alive
You’re alive
Baby, you’re alive
You had to hide
Deep down inside
Now you breath and feel
Cold and warm and real
Night disappears
Hope reappears
Adjusting your eyes
You’re own sunrise
Baby #1) With the first birth of my child, it was a month before his due date, I accidentally drank something that should have put me into cardiac arrest. I was in the emergency room faced with the fact that I could lose my life in minutes or by that evening. Our hands and eyes were locked as we tried to muster the faith. Luckily, I thoughtlessly made myself throw up right after drinking it (the bottle said not to)…but the doctor feels sure that’s what saved my life. I met my baby four weeks later.
Baby #2) Three days after the birth of my daughter, I started to hemorrhage. The doctor said I would lose my life or need to have an emergency hysterectomy within hours if a med she prescribed didn’t work. My gosh, this was a familiar feeling. The medication didn’t work, and I kept bleeding. We had a spiritual experience and a blessing an hour later. The bleeding immediately slowed to a safe level.
Your heavy crown
Weighing you down
Straight lines
Confine the mind
With your guard down
Freedom profound
Realize
You’re alive
Baby #3) The pregnancy with my third was my easiest, I had never felt so strong and healthy. Because I was older, the medical staff took several “precautions” that ended up interfering with the natural birth process, and to be frank, nearly killed me. At one point during labor, after an injection to the chest, I woke up to alarms, an oxygen mask, and my bed upside down. My husband’s face as pale as ever, which told me everything I needed to know. Took me a year to even retell the story of that horrible night. My husband almost lost me again.
(And this was after I had survived cancer)
Child #4) Our fourth child, whom we fostered from age ten to thirteen, passed away three years after leaving our home. This poor kid. He tried so hard with all his challenges and endured so much. After his time with us, he really wanted to return home living near his family and visiting often was all he every wanted, and cried for at least weekly when he was with us. How sad to have lost his life when he was on such a good trajectory, seemingly happy, and doing so well. This is a tragedy I will never heal from, and will forever be traumatized by. If this has happened to you, I am completely open to how you have been able to move forward. What an unexplainable bomb in the chest.
One thing I have learned through this heartache is that life is precious, life is fleeting. You never know what’s going to happen next. Sweating the small stuff is not something you’ll applaud yourself for on your death bed. The people who are alive and in your life right now? Let them know how important they are to you. Bask in their presence, appreciate their laugh and record their voice.
Then look in the mirror, and remember, that you’re alive too. Sometimes it feels ‘off’ to be grateful to be alive when so many have lost their lives. Is it insensitive to try and be happy? At first it might feel that way, but one day you realize that your misery is not going to do them any favors. It most certainly won’t bring them back. It’s probably not doing you, or the people depending on you any favors either. We have very little control in this life. You don’t have to understand why they had to go, and you don’t have to continue to carry the responsibility. All we can do is take the time we do have, and lift each other up.
Pick up your feet
Shed what’s heavy
Wave goodbye
You let it fly
Praying to thank
That you are here today
This is real
You’re alive
Written and Performed by Rachel Adell
Produced by Craig Sayer
Album Diaries | Hold On
Rachel Adell, an American mother of three, living in London is releasing an album after enduring cancer and other challenges. Rachel's hope is that Saturday Sunrise will wrap its arms around you, and help you get through that next dark night, as it has for her.
Song: “Hold On”
Album: Saturday Sunrise 2023
Written: Spanish Fork 2012
Topic: Looking for light during the darkest hours
The inspiration for this came during my separation from Stephen during our twelfth year of marriage. It was such a hard time, and I remember trembling each and every day for four months. Learning to state my needs, let alone stand up for them in a way that affected everyone around me, most especially my children, was an enormous part of me coming into my own.
Over the last decade since I wrote this song, we have been though so many difficult things together. This is a song that I wrote during a hard moment without recognizing how many future moments it would get me through. I hope it gets you through some of yours. This song definitely fits the reoccurring theme throughout this album is that the storm will end and the sun will rise again. Hold on Rachel, relief is around the corner.
The tunnel is long, full of the unknown
There is no light, can’t find my way home
Crumbling I melt, losing all sense of self
So lost and blind, folding all inside my mind
I only see red, inside of my miserable head
I wanna be free, why’s it so out of reach
Hold on, Again
Glimmering light interrupts,
I don’t wanna give up
Where’s that compass come from,
Big mystery from above
Though I’m lost at night,
Gonna keep lookin’ for light
Hold on
Lookin’ for light
Hold on
Hold on
Lookin’ for light
Hold on
Keep lookin’ for light
Written and performed by Rachel Adell
Produced by Craig Sayer
Album Diaries | Where We Go
Rachel Adell, an American mother of three, living in London is releasing an album after enduring cancer and other challenges. Rachel's hope is that Saturday Sunrise will wrap its arms around you, and help you get through that next dark night, as it has for her.
Song: “Where We Go”
Album: Saturday Sunrise 2023
Written: Spanish Fork 2011 originally titled “Wind and a Cloud”
Topic: The balance, flow, and adventure within a relationship
You are the wind outside my window
Wanna be close to you
Look at me now, I am a cloud
Open up and let me out
Some of you who have been following my music over the years will know this song as “Wind and a Cloud” as it is a love song about the ever dynamic relationship between (surprise) the wind and a cloud. It dawned on me years after writing it that the inspiration was three fold. I got the idea when we lived in a particularly windy canyon which had 70mph winds on a pretty frequent basis. The clouds seemed to love it, and always looked so playful to me. Then it occurred to me that Stephen and I were a lot like these elements. We have a lot of fun taking turns and switching back and forth between being the wind and the cloud.
All you have is what I don’t
All you lack is what I know
Driving the balance and the flow
We ride the high and lows
“Driving the balance and the flow”
When you lean into partnership this way, you can paint a rather beautiful tapestry of memories.
The second part of the inspiration I never realized until later is from a Russian song we sang in choir that is etched so deeply on my heart. Quite possibly the most powerful song we ever sang back then. And it was about a cliff and a cloud, and it moved me to tears every time. So powerful. Notcha vola touchka. Some things just stay in there and rearrange within you as you grow and experience life and come out in different, but similar ways.
The third thing that dawned on me as I put an old St Pepper’s record, the hole in the attic??? Like hello, “fixing a hole where the rain gets in and stops my mind from wandering” is a similar concept to me floating out the window and turning into a cloud to go have some fun with the wind. Pretty cool. I am happy to be influenced by these pieces, even if unknowingly.
We go where we go
Songs may seem like they come from one place, but often times it’s a life time of experiences that make up one concept or musical statement. I love leaning into the exhilaration of growth and change. To keep on living being moved by art and music and experience is a beautiful blessing, one I hope I never take for granted.
Things are hard, higher we climb
Sun creates a silver line
Spinning and twisting into change
Travel between night and day
Written and Performed by Rachel Adell
Strings by Justina McHale
Produced by Craig Sayer
Saturday Sunrise | The Album
Rachel Adell, an American mother of three, living in London is releasing an album after enduring cancer. Rachel's hope is that Saturday Sunrise will wrap its arms around you, and help you get through that next dark night, as it has for her.
My new album, Saturday Sunrise, is finally born after a decade of challenges and miracles.
“Hold to hope, as the universe unfolds”
Named after the day I was born, which consequently happened in a trailer during the sunrise and Saturday morning cartoons. The perfect welcome party if you ask me. My older sister was in the next room for the whole event. Though miraculous in nature, I can’t help but imagine how inconvenient it must have felt to have your Looney Tunes interrupted by an actual live birth. I don’t mean to laugh.
“Dreaming and Dreaming” is about our family life breaking up. We all go through something, these foundation shaking life events, and they rock our worlds. Just as my little girl arms clung around my Dad’s waist wishing our family could stay together, we all cling to hope and a dream. And if we keep hoping and holding on to hope, I still believe our dreams will eventually be realized. My childhood family never got back together, like I had always obsessively hoped while watching Parent Trap on repeat as a kid. But my dream did come true when my own little family was realized. I wrote “Isn’t it Beautiful” on a Saturday morning (oddly enough) in them middle of the cancer chapter. That song wrote itself as I looked around the room and merely stated the miracle of the moment. I wanted to slow down and freeze time. These precious little people during that sweet, calm moment are now galvanized in that song.
When I released Unpainting Roses back in 2011, my kids were wee babes. We lived in Santa Monica, Los Angeles, California, though I recorded at my producers house in Compton. Yes, little white girl with an acoustic guitar stepping out of her Prius got some pretty unbelievable 2am stares. But what can you do but dorkily smile and wave? Streaming music wasn’t a thing yet, people were still buying CDs and only starting to buy tracks from itunes. Just as the new format of music was trying to find itself, I was as well. That album was a journal that worked towards first admitting there was a facade, and then second, that the facade had to come down. The process was abstract, collosel, crazy honest, and hello painful. Honest lyrics set to upbeat tunes could not have represented me in a more concise way. This album was a big step towards standing in the sunlight of my own discomfort, I tell you what. The sound would cause confusion, questions, and discomfort. Mission accomplished. Now you know how I have felt every minute of my days. It’s a dissonance I was prepared to live with, and still live with to this day. However, the experience has helped me become more familiar with the benefits of discomfort. Growth is never born out of cupcakes and feather pillows. Stepping out of old skin is cold, and leaves you raw.
“Bursting bubbles all were popping”
One month later an entirely new album fell out, Saturday Sunrise. (Though ofcourse the name switched from Butterfly Catcher to Warrior to 1978 Sunrise to Saturday Sunrise as it morphed into exactly what it wanted to become). Throughout the following years trying to release, I experienced innumerable trials. Walking through more unbelievable life stories which turned into songs that became apart of this album, and our family life. Songs like, “Hold On” and “Everything” helped heal us along the way. Not being able to release this to the world for this long, though painful, might have been entirely necessary. Sitting with work and allowing it to prove itself through the test of time was an unparalled experience. I don’t recommened it, per se, but if that’s how it had to be this time, I am feeling the value. Five songs have remained from the original album, five new ones from the Covid 19 pandemic found a home with them as well. Two halves of myself comforting and cheering on the other.
As a creator and dreamer, things can get quite lonely. Where my lonely creators at? I was surrounded in people who didn’t understand me, and therefore didn’t know how to support me. To be honest, I didn’t know how to tell them to support me. When covid hit and everything went online, I stumbled upon my tribe. My music and creative life have not been the same since. The comrodery, the collaborations, the inspiration, the sensitivity, and depth of these souls. I barely know how to take it all in. Now that we are out and about, I’ve been able to meet many of these people in person. Look them in the eyes and feel their power and passion. There is something about songwriters and idependent musicicans. They’re self-fueled, they’re not playing by the rules, they’re following their heart, and most likely doing it all while going broke. Even if their work is just a drop in the bucket, they are fulfilled. Even if they only get one comment in ten years that says their music saved someone’s life, improved their day, or changed their perspective, that is enough manna to keep going for several more years of music. I have learned and gained so much from these gorgeous artists. See what you can do about getting yourself a tribe, because I’m telling you. Wow.
Bathroom Concert Series, Los Angeles, 2019
As a random impulse I started The Bathroom Concert series right before the pandemic hit. Guess what’s fun? The first song I wrote for bathroom concert series made the album cut! Haha! “Who Loves You” was a song that wrote itself a day before Valentine’s Day. I had all my dear friends in mind. Some of them were hurting on Valentines’s day and I wanted them to know that they always have someone who loves them. “It’s me, who loves you.” That holiday can really hurt for some people who have lost their loved ones, or who are still looking for their loved ones. Holidays mean well, but when you have been through it, they can be really triggering too.
When and where the SONGS WERE BORN…
1) Where We Go, Spanish Fork, 2012 (Wind and a Cloud)
2) Dreaming and Dreaming, Nashville, 2013 and BC, 2016 (Sunrise)
3) Isn’t It Beautiful, Australia, 2014 ~cancer days (Saturdays)
4) Hold On, Spanish Fork, 2011
5) You Have It, Los Angeles, 2020
6) Everything, Santa Monica 2011 (You Had to Go)
7) Who Loves You, Los Angeles, 2019 (bathroom concert series)
8) Okay, London, 2022
9) Found Me, Los Angeles 2021
10) Alive, London 2022
Craig Sayer | musiscian, composer, producer
Then Craig Sayer entered the picture and boosted the magic to new heights. In addition to my own composition, I gave him a rough idea of my references for particular songs here and there, Radiohead, London Grammar, Aurora, Pink Floyd, Pearl Jam, and even a song from Raising Sand, Robert Plant and Allison Krauses’ album (that coincidentally shares the same mastering company as my first album, Lurssen Mastering). Craig’s musicality and instincts run deep. Most every time he sent me back his interpretation of my compositions, tears welled up. What a blessing to find someone who just gets it. The loud rumbling of the drums, bass, and gritty guitars coupled with the expressionate string and piano moments? My vocals could easily rest on a familiar bed of sounds that had been rolling around in my head for years. So much honor and gratitude to have had the opportunity to work with Craig. He was patient, professional, and flexible when I experienced inevitable emotional lows and highs throughout the creation of this project. He stuck with me, and for that I am grateful.
After sitting back and taking a look at this body of work from a birds eye view, I realize this abum really is about hope. That divine spark that keeps you getting out of a bed and leaning into your dreams. “Hold to hope, as the universe unfolds,” is a lyric from “You Have It”. And I realized, that’s it. That’s what this album is about, and that’s the message that has always been trying to reveal itself from the beginning. I feel like an excited little kid that this project is done and ready to be yours! That something real, comforting, and long lasting came from unbelievable pain and uncertaintly. Rachel, do not give up, you will grow, you will learn, you will gain wisdom through this. Something beautiful will come out of it, do not lose hope, keep going! Face your storms, then run into them. Get through them quickly, so you can enjoy the calm, watered meadow on the other side.
Australia 2014
Starting during the covid chapter and throughout the making of this album, I have spent my time learning production. There is nothing quite as satisfying as creating and composing sounds that you have in your head, without needing to explain them with inadequte language. You can hope to find someone like Craig to understand and listen (rare) but when you just need to get the music out, there is something incredibly magical about being able to create the sounds yourself. My next, next album is already sketched, now I just need to fill in with my dream musicans and we’ll be golden! If you are an independent musician, I highly recommend you learn how to create music within Logic, ProTools, or Ableton. Kris Bradley is a good resource for anyone looking into a straight forward way to learn production. No more taking direction or guidance for “how it’s done” and “how you should sound.” How ‘bout you decide yourself, yeah? It’s not as complicated as they make it sound, promise.
Over the last few years I’ve put my music in front of panelists in the music industry, ready to have it torn to shreds. Putting your vulnerability on the line for professional feedback in front of peers is a terrifying experience. Geesh. Much to my surprise, the feedback was amazing. (I mean, only 1 out of 10 didn’t get it). Not what I expected at all. When I presented my split personality within the music scene, that was especially scary. Yes, because it’s not always fun to admit that you are kind of two people, because also because the industry’s main preach is to “stay in your lane.” I mean, my lane is a two headed monster. These heads being compared to the likes of darker Norah Jones with a darkness on one side, and Cherry Bomb Runaways on the other. What’s a girl to do? Choose one and cut off the other? Not to be rebellious, but I couldn’t do it. So I stayed me, both of me. And how incredibly shocking when they loved it?! “Oddly enough, this works!” and “Keep after the unique instrument combinations in your rock sets,” and “You are very talented, I want to work you,” while handing me their card?! Ugh! *faint* Has taken me many moons to process. Have I fully processed?
After Saturday Sunrise, which is more on the dreamy chill side, you can expect the other side to rear it’s head. Female empowerment all the way, Mama. So many projects are bottlenecked, and now that I’m here, the flood gates are finally about to swing open. Weeeeeeeeee!
Because I know you’re always wondering, and because now I know how to show people what we musicians need…
HERE ARE THE BEST WAYS FANS CAN SUPPORT INDIE ARTISTS:
1) Get a Spotify account
2) Follow, Like, Subscribe, Share, Stream
3) Comment and engage on their social media posts
4) Subscribe to their emails
5) Buy their merch
6) Ask how to drop a tip
7) When you do share, add how it made you felt, what your favorite song was, what lyric made you feel validated
8) Tell the artist they made an impact on you, this is the entire reason they do what they do
Stay tuned for the back stories and development of each song. From Santa Monica to Spanish Fork to Nashville to Australia to British Columbia to Montreal to India to Los Angeles to London. Near death experiences, cancer, having another baby, a pandemic, and an additional tragedy all creating a breeding ground for art forming and growing out of tremendous fear and pain.
I hope this abum provides you a place to sit , a place to feel, a place to be. A moment to remember all you’ve endured and survived. A place to be strengthened by the fact that you have what it takes to handle and conquer your storms. The sun will rise again.
Love,
Rachel