This album encompasses much of the pain and sadness from my childhood, there never was an intention to paint a rosy picture. The sentiment behind Unpainting Roses is about the meticulous effort required to remove red paint (secrets, lies, and unrealistic expectations) from delicate rose petals. The Queen of Hearts insists that the roses be painted red because she wants to be royal and powerful, whereas Alice appreciates the beauty of a humble white rose.
The queen sees a plain white roses as weak, so she tries to cover it up. However, it was the heavy, synthetic red paint that made them weak. Reducing their ability to grow, breath, and pollinate, not to mention their deadened fragrance and glow. We all battle with these suffocating expectations. Whether from a parent, our culture, or our own imagination we all battle our inner Queen of Hearts. Our goal is to be like the Alice I imagine, who willfully disobeys the orders and even gets friends to help her carefully remove all the paint from these once pure roses.
The purpose of this album, for me, was to go through the painful things in my own life, and carefully remove the facade. A facade that happened to cause a lot more darkness than the original pain. Many of the songs are abstract letters to myself. I’m the girl who “Sits Alone”, “Your Jail” is actually my jail, and those dark blue “Studio Eyes” are mine (even though my eyes are a yellowish brown). I’ve learned that unresolved hurt thrives in the dark, getting more dangerous the longer it’s left alone. Unveiled in the fresh air, the menacing monarch’s power vanishes. What a relief, and also magic. You’re free to run in the sun.
Writing and releasing this album felt like a true release. The resolve I felt afterward created a whole new flood of songs. This time they were humming tunes of light and love. My hope is that the new songs will heal hearts in the same way they have healed mine.
As you listen to Unpainting Roses, consider it a dusty letter from the past, and look forward to the fresh morning rays of a Saturday Sunrise.